Another week crashes like a wave of liquid excrement onto a beach of despair and broken dreams. Time to survey the damage and decide which pisstains deserve their place in these hallowed halls this time around. Blog written by @HinduMonkey, do follow him on Twitter.
Let’s dive in.
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FPL GW3 Team of the Weak
MENDY – 5.0 – CHE
Kicking off a calamitous afternoon for premium defenders, the Chelsea keeper was tackled on his goal line and generally played with the composure of an injured wildebeest being hunted by a pack of carnivores.
Like farting in a lift as Alisson walks in. Get out.
Do vote in the captaincy poll for this week below. The captaincy metrics blog from @AK_FPL1 will be posted based on the votes. The metrics had a 30/38 record last season and so far has a 3/3 record with Haaland topping the metrics in GW3.
FPL GW3 Team of the Weak ~ Defenders
MINGS – 4.4 – AVL
Alleged defender Tyrone Mings continues to impress in the heart of the defence for Gerrard’s Villa, a team who are about as good away from home as Priti Patel is at valuing human life.
Zero tackles, zero blocks, zero use.
A colossus of shit.
VVD – 6.5 – LIV
A fallen giant of Jotunheim. Where once stood a titan, now lies a wounded mortal… tragically struck down by Jordan of Pickford. He continues to soldier on, but having been torn apart by the most out of form attackers in World Football… the end is surely nigh.
He was shit. In case you didn’t follow all of that.
JANSSON – 4.5 – BRE
A defensive horror show from a Brentford side quite clearly still high on their own supply following their annihilation of Utd last week. Fulham could and should have won this by more, as they tore through the Bees backline like an angry bear desperate for honey.
WALKER – 5.1 – MCI
An indescribably bad performance from Kyle Walker, who was terrible defensively and offensively in a match where City’s limitations if you attack them with pace were laid bare.
Walker was so confused by the end, that he obviously thought he was at one of his infamous sex parties, and just tried to mount Allan Saint-Maximin.
FPL GW3 Team of the Weak ~ Midfielders
NETO – 5.4 – WOL
Still sat in almost 12% of teams like a turd that won’t flush. Wolves are the most toothless side the league has ever known. They have scored just 39 goals in 41 matches under Bruno Lage and people still think their attackers are a good idea.
Granit Xhaka is on 20 points. I’m just saying…
BOWEN – 8.4 – WHU
Good news for those who thought that Bowen was 0.5 overpriced this season, is that he’ll be 8m in a couple of weeks.
The former energiser bunny turned playboy bunny, has created just a single chance in three matches and is now carrying the threat of a drunk earthworm.
SON – 11.9 – TOT
Stuck in a rut with Richarlison looking over his shoulder, this was a hapless, near nomadic performance from the South Korean. He created nothing, failing with to find a man with 85% of his crosses and was hooked early yet again.
The heatmap of a mild yeast infection.
MOUNT – 7.9 – CHE
Three successive blanks for Chelsea’s alleged playmaker, who was subbed early again as he huffed and puffed and blew absolutely nothing down.
The Chelsea front 3 are currently sporting the chemistry of a LUSH store. It might look and smell nice, but it just leaves shit everywhere.
FPL GW3 Team of the Weak ~ Forwards
FIRMINO – 4.5 – LIV
Firmino playing again would liberate the Liverpool attack somebody told me last week. If this is liberation, take me back to Native America.
Firmino was little match for a dog on heat Martinez, and ultimately trudged off the pitch still having scored just one goal. This year.
VARDY – 9.4 – LEI
We know that Vardy is a bit of a stats buster, but even by his standards, 4 touches in the box and a single shot in 3 games is problematic.
Leicester look a mess. They have a child playing dress up in goal, a single creative asset and look in total disharmony as a team.
Christ, they could be Man Utd Liverpool.
SUMMARY
And so, the page turns on a week that made big at the back look as good an idea as a wank in a lift.
We now head into 3 games in a week, sure to thrill and cause pain in equal measure.
Don’t let this game get you down. You come first, not FPL.
One Love. HM.
See you next week, do drop me a follow on Twitter @HinduMonkey.
Further reads from ALLABOUTFPL ahead of FPL GW4
FPL GW4 Preview: Breaking Down FPL Dilemmas For Gameweek 4
FPL GW4 Scout Picks | FPLDaggaFC & AllAboutFPL
Predicted GW4 Lineups of All 20 Premier League Teams
Top FPL Gameweek 4 Captain Picks Based on Analysis & Metrics
FPL GW4 Differential Picks To Consider Ahead Of GW4 Deadline
Eye-Test Based Player Watchlist For FPL Gameweek 4
FPL Gameweek 4 Transfer Tips: Two Players To Buy, Hold And Sell
FPL GW1-3 Review: Template, Emerging Assets, Wildcard & More
FPL GW4 Transfer Trends, Best Transfer Combinations & Tips
FPL Stats of Shithousery | GW3 Team of the Weak
FPL GW4 Fixtures & Players To Target | Best Matchups | FPL Paz
FPL GW4 Wildcard Team & Drafts To Consider | Wildcard Guide
FPL GW4 Ultimate Guide: Tips, Differentials, Captaincy & More
How Premier League Footballers Fared As FPL Managers In GW3?
Link to all our FPL GW4 blogs including fixtures to target, predicted 11, differentials, captaincy metrics, transfer trends, and more. Completely free to access as well!
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Hindu Monkey
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