FPL GW2 is now over, in this already complete shit show of a season for Manchester Utd fans; so, let’s find out which useless, scruffy looking nerf herders joined some of those overpaid tosswipes below. Blog written by @HinduMonkey, do follow him on Twitter.
Let’s dive in like Harry Maguire never could.
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FPL GW2 Team of the Weak
David De Gea – 4.9 – MUN
Whilst Dean “Dr Octavius” Henderson was keeping a clean sheet for Forest, the most expensively paid keeper in World Football once again gave a performance akin to a pissed-up Otter trying to catch an electric eel.
An odious omnishambles of offensive proportions.
GW2 Team of the Weak ~ Defenders
ROMERO – 5.0 – TOT
Conceded two, should have been sent off twice and capped of the performance of a psychotic madman by screaming in the face of Reece James at the death. A genuine lunatic who would rip off his own arm to use as a weapon.
I fucking love him.
FOFANA – 4.5 – LEI
Looking nothing like a £80m defender whatsoever, Fofana was pulled around more times than a busted marionette by messrs Jesus & Martinelli. His communication with Danny “never been a No1” Ward was like a bad Buster Keaton movie.
SHAW – 5.0 – MUN
It’s hard to pick just one Man Utd defender to put in here, but Shaw was dragged at halftime, is currently on minus points for the season, and is playing with the worthlessness of a motorised ice-cream cone.
BELLA-KOTCHAP – 4.5 – SOU
A home debut to largely forget for the German chain of Italian eateries.
Bella-Kotchap completed a grand total of zero tackles, was instead tackled himself twice; and generally helped make Rodrigo look like Ronaldinho. Which is unforgivable.
DIGNE – 5.0 – AVL
What more can you say about Lucas Digne? A man who currently averages more minus figures than our melting ice caps.
He has now scored 4 own goals since he last scored an actual goal.
An extraordinary record of incomparable incompetence.
Still, at least nobody is buying him anymor… oh fucking hell really?
GW2 Team of the Weak ~ Midfielders
NETO – 5.5 – WOL
Sporting a heatmap which screams I play where I fucking want because I’m absolutely useless everywhere.
Neto created one rubbish chance, which was from a shit shot when he should have passed; and attempted five dribbles… succeeding at one.
I’m sure his mother is proud.
GRAY – 5.5 – EVE
Who would have thought that running around like a gazelle being perpetually hunted by a pack of lions wouldn’t actually translate to the football pitch? Demarai Gray last scored a goal over 24 hours ago.
And I don’t mean fucking yesterday.
He is as useful as a solar-powered torch.
SANCHO/RASHFORD – 7.4/6.4 – MUN
Below is a picture of Cynthia the Fish. Cynthia the Fish would be more useful for Manchester United than Jadon Sancho & Marcus Rashford. Cynthia has the ability to dribble, shoot, pass and breathe underwater like a boss.
Sancho & Rashford are fucking Algae. Be more like Cynthia.
GW2 Team of the Weak ~ Forwards
MITROVIC – 6.6 – FUL
A shot every 20 minutes, a big chance created and a missed penalty… Mitrovic owners weren’t exactly fucked by variance… they were bent over and drilled for 90 minutes whilst those who stuck with Harry Kane were given a happy ending in their sleep.
NUNEZ – 9.1 – LIV
A performance of comical wretchedness from the Uruguayan striker and part-time Cobra Kai actor. Having already missed several presentable chances and fallen over around 35 times, he then proceeded to head-butt somebody for absolute bantz. Where’s Firmino now Buttice…
SUMMARY
So that’s that for another week. If you don’t have at least 120 points your season is already done.
So instead take solace that currently Rodrigo has more FPL points than the entire Man Utd first XI.
Combined.
One love. HM.
See you next week, do drop me a follow on Twitter @HinduMonkey.
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Hindu Monkey
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